Live Life Light

A few related experiences this past week have confirmed the title of this post for me.

Live Life Light...hmmm, what do YOU think this means? Less material baggage in your home?...Uh, huh. Less emotional darkness in you mind?....Yep. Less perpetual flab in your gutcha?...You got it! So here's the run-down of what happened this past week:

#1 Six days ago. After months of looking at the same old junk accumulating in my home--papers, old socks, re-usuable cottage cheese containers--I decided to go on a full-out, Nazi-esque organizing rampage. I got rid of old clothes (J's mostly), filed months of bills, stacked camping gear/stuff I only use once in an eon in ONE corner of the house, AND (proudly) re-organized every box of food storage while placing my "run-out-the-door-in-case-a hurricane-hits-Camp Verde-tomorrow" supplies in clear view.

#2 Five days ago. This one is probably a no brainer...General Conference totally uplifted my spirits and relieved some of the emotional darkness/anxiety/uncertainty/depression (or getting close to it) feelings from my soul.

#3 Two days ago. So this is the real eye-opening one for me....Okay, (breathe)...here we go...Soooo, Justin asked me if I was pregnant. Now, before your imagination runs wild with sweet thoughts and images of me in Peas 'N the Pod attire, I correct you...I AM NOT PREGO...but for some apparent reason the hubby thinks I am. This is how the conversation went down...or at least how I remembered it:

Him: (surprised, still waking up from bed) Honey, are you pregnant?

Me: (standing near the dresser and just finishing getting dressed) What? Pregnant?

Him: (second guessing his decision to have popped the question) Umm, yeah. I mean your pants just look a little tight around the waist. That's all.

Me: (looking clearly bewildered, shocked, speechless...thinking "That's all????!!!!") No, of course not. There's no way I could be. I mean I'm pretty sure I'm not. What? You mean I LOOK pregnant?

Him: (speaking quickly, realizing the error of his ways) No, not at all. It must be your jeans or something. Actually, now that I see you better, you don't really look pregnant at all.

Me: (in disbelief) No, if you said I looked pregnant, I MUST look pregnant.

Him: (trying to redeem himself now) Honey it's okay if you've put on a little weight around the middle. I still think you're cute.

Me: (thinking it would be great to BE pregnant but if I am NOT then it's really not cool to look like it) Yeah, thanks. That's sweet hon.

And then the conversation ended...at least on my part. Poor Justin, he felt really bad for popping the question. He kept trying to apologize and emphasize really sweet things that I should appreciate but at the moment I was completely out-of-tune with like how much he loved me and how it doesn't matter how I look in a pair of jeans. Meanwhile, I just mopped around the house for the rest of the morning feeling like a complete un-sexy, frump-case that should start investing in the sportswear from Hanes-Her-Way rather than more of the current CK jeans I was wearing. (I remember the slogan from CK Jeans...so misleadingly modeled by 20 something-year old Brooke Shields, "Nothing comes between me and my Calvin Kleins"...yeah, apparently...there's no room to spare in mine!)

Well, at this point either you will sympathize with my story or tell me to shut-it and stop indulging in feelings of self-pity and marginalized self-worth. If you tell me the latter, I think you are right. Size, shape, weight DOESN"T matter in the scheme of life...we are all beautiful no matter how we look because we were created from above.

HOWEVER, I must at least vent these vain sentiments OTHERWISE I will never accept the truth and that is that right now I have some considerable extra baggage on my flanks. Solution? I have decided that I want to focus on taking care of my body BECAUSE it is special, it is a tool, it is a temple. The Lord has blessed me with good health and a working body so I should be grateful for that and strive to improve it so I can do better things in my life like serving others and exemplifying my talents, etc. etc. etc. In this regard, I remind myself of someone who is a great example of taking care of their body so as to take care of others...Grandfather Freestone. I remember a few years ago one of my cuzs told me about their grandpa and how he dedicated every workout to the Lord (no joke he does this) and how he eats super healthy stuff b/c he wants to continue to be able to serve the Lord. What an example?!

Well, while I may never strive for a healthy body out of purely unselfish reasons (I am more likely to do it so as to avoid`getting asked the pregnant question), there's no reason for me not to at least try.

So remember folks, the quote for the day is....LIVE LIFE LIGHT (and perhaps lite too)

That's right don't accumulate crap in your house b/c pretty soon your possessions will OWN YOU.

And, don't restrict the light of God from illuminating your life b/c you will end up in a place where the light don't shine.

And finally, take care of yourself b/c you will feel better, serve better, and most importantly, look better rockin' your circa 1998 pair of Calvin Klein jeans.

Like pet, like owner...I don't have a recent pic of myself right now (thankfully the camera needs to be replaced) but you pretty much get the idea from seeing my cat, Beetle.

--A

P.S. Copyright for today's quote goes to my dear mother who most recently has been engaged in empty-ing and zen-ifying her house.

Completely useless

You know the feeling when your body is craving something in particular, but you just can't name, in particular, what that is? Consequently, you look in the fridge, the cupboards, your purse...looking, searching,..for that one treat that will put your mind and body at complete ease.

"Do I need chocolate? Ice Cream? Pickles? Smoked Oysters? A piece of bread with LOTS of butter?"

Well, that is how I am feeling today. But not about what to eat. But what to write.

I know I need to write something on my blog. I feel it. My fingers are twitching. My thoughts are running rampant. I am uneasy. I need my "fix."

So, sitting down to my computer. Here I am. Writing.

I am going to go with whatever thought comes to my mind. A stream of sub-conscious thought, if you will. No pre-thought or post-thought to the matter. Just thought.

So here we go.....

I love September. Yes, I love the cool mornings. The gentle breeze that rolls in the afternoons and brings the fragrant smell from the river down below my place. The hint of yellow on the leaves which signals a time of seasonal limbo...it's neither cold nor hot...summer nor really fall...it is somewhere in between. I love hearing the birds sing as I wake and the crickets chirp as I return to my bed. I love eating squash.

I was thinking that I don't appreciate these simple things in life like I should. I mean there are plenty of "important" things to be pre-occupied with...work, housework, homework...but isn't life about more than those things? Shouldn't life be enjoyed, savored, or whatever the current cliche phrase is? "Stop and smell the roses." Yeah, shouldn't it be about that?

How does one appreciate life's simplicity? Is more contemplation the answer? Or perhaps, I shouldn't think about what I love, but DO what I love instead? Is it healthy to over think life?

I think there is a time to think and a time to do. We need both.

I look outside and I want to climb the pine tree in my front yard. Should I? Should I risk slipping or breaking a branch and then falling to my demise? Or should I be content to know I WANT to climb the tree. My heart is adventurous but my mind is practical...that's all that matters right?

So many random thoughts. So little time.

I think I need to balance my overly analytical self with my overly sarcastic self. I once mentioned this as the Yin/Yang theory...where a heavy dose of intellectualism is easily remedied by a heavy does of useless humor.

Useless humor. Yeah, that's what I need today.

Okay, here's a go at it: Top 10 things that make me laugh

#10 America' Funniest Home Videos (especially, the ones involving any combination of food, babies, pets, weddings, and/or bodily functions)

#9 tourists

#8 talent auditions on tv

#7 family feuds

#6 overpriced fashion

#5 teenie-bopper tabloids

#4 "wedgies"

#3 fortune cookies with VAGUE fortunes

#2 texting people within talking distance

#1 sports mascots

My time is up and so I must go. If you have endured to the end of this post, accept my apologies because it was completely useless...much like the picture below.

--A

On being wise...

Last Friday I entered a new phase of adulthood: I had my wisdom teeth removed.

To keep a long story short, the surgery (?) went well. I opted out of the anesthesia, however, the dentist choked my gums up with so many pain-numbing shots, I can't claim any heroic behavior...unlike my dear mother who once had a tooth removed without pain-killer...ahhh! While three of the teeth took only minutes to extract, the fourth stubborn tooth took nearly 45minutes because as my dentist explained, it was heavily "impacted"...yeah no joke. The dentist also told me to make sure our kids got the job done promptly....17 being a good age. I guess stubborn teeth will be a genetic trait in our family.

Anyways, moving on to more introspective matters...the whole idea of "wisdom" teeth made me wonder, "Why are they called wisdom teeth?" At this moment, my twitching fingers are tempted to cheat and wikipedia the term, but I have challenged myself to analyze this question and so, here are my thoughts...

Removing wisdom teeth is like a rite of passage, an entry into the adult world. Of course, there are other rites of passage: getting a driver's license (and later paying for driver's insurance), moving out of the parents' house, getting a "real" job, getting married, having kids, the list goes on...But the difference is these are all non-physical rites (well except maybe for the actual having kids). Removing your wisdom teeth is something physical. For lack of a more eloquent explanation...it is a physical change in who you are. "Primitive" cultures do this thing all the time...tattooes, piercings, trials of physical endurance...these are all marks of making the transition from youth to adulthood.

As a rite of passage, I now feel more wise. Perhaps it is a placebo effect. Or perhaps, it is the vicadin affecting my thought processes. But, all the same, I feel more wise. The down time I have had in the last two days, has forced me to think of wise things I have learned since my youth. Here they are:

1. Our bodies are not invincible. I think I have truly reached the point in my life where I believe this. No longer can I jump from a high place, wear no sunscreen in the sun, or spend a weekend eating junk food without experiencing some negative repercussions. I realize I have to take care of myself...like going to the dentist (something I almost never did as a youth) because I am not young forever.

2. Relationships are more important than things. I think I have always been a believer in this, although I think I am more so now. As a kid in a big family, I never really aspired to acquire much in material possessions. But the older I get, the greater the temptation to buy stuff--cool clothes, electronics, the "good" ice cream at the store. I realize it is harder to focus my efforts and make sure I don't get stuff as a replacement for my happiness. Happiness comes from having good relationships with your friends, family, and, most importantly, your spouse.

3. Achievement in life is not about the end result but in the process. Slap me if I sound too Miley Cyrus, but I really think success is in the journey. For example, last week I decided to run farther than I have in a really LONG time. Now I AM NOT A RUNNER, but I do feel pretty darn good after a run (which in my book can be as short as a few blocks). Since I have been home, I have tried to run a few times a week for about a mile. Pathetic, I know (even more so if you knew my time), but I have kept at it. Last week, I decided to bump up the distance to about 3 miles (and add in a whooping, extra long hill). Of course, I felt like quitting after I had reached my first mile, but I knew I HAD to keep going because I NEEDED to feel successful. Despite the burning feeling in my lungs and butt and the self-defeating thoughts in my head, I completed the 3 miles. Let it be known for the record, that my time was terrible (dare I say? Okay, 37 minutes. Ouch!) and my face was as red as a lobster, but I FINISHED. I can't tell you what confidence this experience gave me...what I learned about myself and my determination. Yeah, life is about "the climb"...literally.

4. Even great movies are unrealistic. I am sure nobody needs to remind you Hollywood is fake...it's a given, right? But don't you sometimes want to think that good, heart warming Hollywood stories can be imitated in real life? For example, this weekend as I lay in my bed trying to de-swell my face, I watched several movies I had rented from the good ole Redbox. One of them, Marley & ME, was better than I expected (I really did think it would be some cheese-ball movie about a perfect suburban couple and their reckless dog...like a more adult version of "Beethoven"). Actually, to be quite frank, I really enjoyed the story and I found the chemistry between Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston way adorable...who would have thought Owen Wilson could make it as a yuppie hubby? HOWEVER, I soon realized I got suckered in to many of the myths in the movie...like a) wearing a white mini dress the day after giving birth is completely doable (even I...a non-baby haver...know this can't be done) b) you can play in the Pennsylvania snow in designer jeans and a non-zippered coat for HOURS and not be cold and c) it will be years before you have a break down over being a over-worked mom with a reckless dog. Bottom line? Keep Hollywood in perspective. I totally adored this movie, but I have to recognize life CANNOT imitate art.

5. Here's where I return this conversation back to being useful...the Gospel basics--prayer, scripture reading, church attendance, FHE, temple attendance, fasting, paying tithing, etc. etc.--are really the key to getting through life's trials. This month in the Visiting Teaching lesson, I was really inspired by one of the quotes (laziness prevents me from looking it up here) which basically said we need to "recharge" ourselves with these Gospel basics. So true. There have been times in my life, where I felt so spiritually strong, and other times where I have felt so spiritually vacant. When I was a teenager, I think my testimony was so incredibly strong. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but, in those days, I dealt with a lot of hardship and somehow (I don't really know how) I made it through it all. I think I have relied on my faith of way back then all too often now. Instead of forcing myself to be more spiritual now (a.k.a. be more vigilant about doing those Gospel basics), I am content to rely on the testimony I did then. I realize I need to continually "recharge" my spirit because I am continually encountering new trials. In sum, a testimony is something that is constantly changing, evolving, and hopefully, growing. To grow, a testimony has to be fed with DAILY spiritual nourishment.

Okay, so that's about a wrap for me. Perhaps, being wise has less to do with losing one's teeth and more to do using down time for personal reflection. All the same, it's been a nice weekend for me. Lots of ice cream, movies, and a husband happy to help make my life more comfortable....it doesn't get much better than that.

--A