The following Yo-Adriane mystery is almost as intriguing as the ghosts lurking in Jerome, AZ (the ones inside the building that is...not the one standing in front of it).
As far back as I can remember, I have made the following sound on an almost regular basis:
Arggghemmmm..Ahhhkkkkk..Arrrrrr!!!
Okay, I don't really know how to linguistically describe the sound but just think of a cat coughing up a really horrendous hairball that NEVER actually surfaces. Or better yet, just imagine Gollum hacking up some pretty stale elven bread. Got it? Okay, so you got a pretty good idea of my less-than-lady-like habit.
Up until yesterday, I really had no definite explanation as to why I did this.
If you were to ask me to guess, I would have probably attributed it to one of the following scenarios:
A) I have an incessant cold.
B) I imagined a medical condition to grab people's pity.
C) I permanently damaged my respiratory system when I recently scarfed a piece of cake down the wrong tube in my throat.
In actuality, the answer has a little do with all three answers...Incessant, Medical Condition, and Respiratory System....So, have you guessed yet?
Well, if you did, your logic must be clearer than mine because I honestly didn't think I would have to deal with.....drum roll please....wait for it...here it comes......ASTHMA!!!!!!!!!
Did I make that dramatic enough for you? I hope so b/c J always says I can be such a drama Q...and I think he is right...so here it is again......
DUDE, I HAVE ASTHMA!
I got the less-than-exciting news yesterday during a doctor's visit in which I was convinced I had bronchitis. Yeah, if only I were so lucky...
And yet, should I rejoice that I have solved this 20-something year old mystery? Should I?
I guess I SHOULD be grateful that I can now silence my death gag with the help of modern, chemical-laden technology.
I know you know what an inhaler is...it's for middle school P.E. first aid kits, right? But did you know, us asthma suffer-ees can also inhale fine, steroid-choked powder through a cute, little, self-priming, purple disc??? It's sooooo cool man.....
And how about the names for these drugs?
ProAir and AdvAir.
They make it sound like I been promoted or something. Yeah I'd like a new introduction now...."Hi I'm Adriane, Senior Executive of Flem-No-More Inc."
But I guess their strategy is reverse psychology...They make you think their drugs = personal freedom when really you're like two steps away from becoming a full-out inhaler addict. Didn't Millhouse from the Simpsons or Steve Urkel or someone like that on tv suffer from inhaler addiction? Yeah, whoever it was, I'll be him/her in like two prescription refills.
You may ask (or at least I had to ask myself)...Am I still normal?
Sure. If you can call a girl with overgrown bangs, size 10W feet, and an undying love of onions and smoked oysters normal. I'm normal.
Truth be known, I'm actually happy I found out what was wrong with me. It's a relief. No more "cough girl" stigma or people thinking I may or may not have some hideous germ which will eventually ripen into the formidable H1N1 ...yeah, all I have to worry about now is if I remember to pack my inhaler in my purse. To quote my new hero, Nacho Libre, "My life is good...really good!!"
--A
5 comments:
I know the adriane noise, but so accustomed to it, I don't think I notice anymore when you do it :) Here's to happy breathing!!
I don't think I noticed it anymore either...isn't that a mystery in itself! Praise the heavens the mystery is solved!
All you need now is glasses and nasal spray, and you have evolved into 11 year old Lindsey...haha!
Mystery solved! Just kidding I do know you do it but I never really noticed, It was just part of you. oh now im ready Linds and Brookes and they said the same thing, haha. What a crazy thing, who would of known?
Ahh that sucks. xD I guess I kinda remember the noise too, but I never really noticed it too much. At least it isn't a horrible case.
I think we all suffer from asthma in our family cause we all have the heinous cough! That's why it was so normal because all of us did it! Haha! Gee whiz we must've seemed like the germ infestation family--yuck! Can't wait to see you whip out your inhaler--the thought still makes me giggle :)
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